Ways To Annoy Yami Yugi
by Sakina the Fallen Angel
Summary: [Reposted as account had been hacked] Gosh, could there really be a book entitled 101 Ways To Annoy Yami Yugi? By Ra, I do believe there is! Warning to all worshippers of the Pharaoh Do not read this!
1. Gah!

**Summary:** Gosh, could there really be a book entitled 101 Ways To Annoy Yami Yugi? By Ra, I do believe there is! Warning- to all worshippers of the Pharaoh- Do not read this!

**Genre:** Humour

**Rating:** Teen

**Authoress's Note:** Bah, I have had so much bad luck with this fic. First, it was banned for being a list, so I rewrote it, and then someone hacked into my account and deleted it. Probably jealous. Anyway, we are back, and **thank you to all my past reviewers**, and I hope that you will continue to support me! All material from this fic IS original, and was at the time this fic was first published, which was in March 2005 so if there are any plagiarists out there, I came first.

_Sakina's back, taking the Fanfic world by storm!_

_Guess who's back, back again, Sakina's back, with a vengeance!_

_Bringing it back from the Fanfiction Graveyard, it's:_

* * *

101 Ways To Annoy Yami Yugi

101 ways to annoy, harrass, confuse or generally scare his Pharaohness, Yami Yugi.

_or: Sure fire ways to get yourself sent to the Shadows!_

Yugi walked down the dark, musty shelves. Yami had scores upon scores of tomes in his soul world, and as Yugi was determined to explore every nook and cranny in the mysterious abode he had had to include the gigantic library, much to his dismay. How could the Pharaoh have read so many books in his short lifetime? Perhaps there would be a secret passage somewhere, or some hidden door, leading to the cure for cancer or some miracle, like it always was in the movies.

Beginning to despair, he realized he was running out of time. Yami would be back from his duel with Joey anytime soon, and if he found Yugi in the no access regions, then all hell would break loose.

Yugi turned back and began to run down the dusty shelves. Strange, he could've sworn he'd only just passed this one…No! He was lost! Spinning around, it seemed all the shelves were closing in on him…

Abruptly, the shelves upon shelves ceased and he came up against a wall. Now what? Gazing back at the way he'd come, he saw something move in the shadows. A book flopped down, title up for him to inspect:

_101 Ways To Annoy Yami Yugi_

_Note: the author of this book is currently held for tortureby none other than the notorious Pharaoh and must be rescued at all costs._

Further down it read: _So what are you waiting for? Read the book and save the author- the world deserves to know the truth!_

Curiosity aroused, Yugi opened the leather bound volume at a random page.

_"Laugh at him._

_Shave off his hair._

_If not the above, then set fire to his hair. There is nothing more amusing than watching someone try to put their hair out."_

Gosh, that was mean, Yugi thought, but it sounds kind of fun. Smiling evilly, he read on.

_"Turn his Millennium Puzzle the right way up, so it is pyramid shaped._

_Tell him that 2+26_

_Ask him when was the last time he changed clothes._

_Volunteer to buy him a cape, so he doesn't have to use his jacket as one._

_Dye his hair orange so it looks like a starfish."_

Bah! The stuck up Pharaoh refuses to acknowledge that I am the sole possessor of the trademark Yugi hair! Grrr…how novel it would look, to see Yami's face when his hair turns orange…He began walking, engrossed in the book, feet on a journey of their own.

_"Call him Yugi-boy._

_Say that Pegasus has died, and then tell him it isn't true._

_Say that Yami Bakura is dead."_

Hah! That would annoy him! Bakura can never be dead, because he isn't alive!

_"Lock him in a room full of swirling colours and see how long it takes for him to pass out._

_Iron out the creases in his trousers._

_Try to teach him to play a mouth organ._

_Anytime he enters any room, insist on entering first and announcing him grandly._

_In these announcements, fake a trumpet noise and give him an equally fake drum roll._

_Get the song 'Mr. Tambourine Man' stuck in his head._

_Whack him in the arm and say 'mosquito' every few minutes._

_Tell him to get a life!_

_Remind him that he isn't really alive."_

"Yugi!" Yami's voice echoed across his mind chamber. "What are you doing near the Dimensional Dungeons?"

"Erm…" Yugi hadn't realized where he'd been going, but it seemed as if a force had been guiding him in some direction. He slipped the book into his pocket and tried to look innocent.

"Yugi, you should've seen the way I pummelled Joey. Of course, if only he'd believed in the Heart Of The Cards then maybe he would've stood a better chance. It must've been fate that I drew the right combination to…"

Yami set off, Yugi walking beside him. But he wasn't really listening, for his mind was on the book, and the mysterious author…

* * *

Just for the record- I don't actually hate Yami, I am just annoyed after having two fics banned and have some anger I need to vent. Unfortunately, Yami was the nearest, so sorry Yami fans! 

Any new ideas would be appreciated; though I've already written most of the story there will be room to squeeze some more in at the end!

15/08/06


	2. The Riddle

**Authoress's Note:** Hey guys, thank you so much for supporting me. Before this story got deleted, I had so many reviews and was worried that this story wouldn't take off again but it seems I've been proven wrong. **In your face, hacker!** Thank you so much, reviewers! (hugs plushies of everyone) Updates will come quicker and quicker

21.08.06

_This is the book talking_

_**This is mind to mind**_

* * *

101 Ways To Annoy Yami Yugi

_Wow, this book is great!_ Yugi thought, nose in book whilst eating breakfast. After he'd finished his bowl of cereal, he plonked himself down on his bed and decided to pay Yami a visit to try out some of the tips the book had suggested.

He knocked on Yami's portal, and waited.

It wasn't long before the tri-coloured Pharaoh answered the Soul Door. He was still dressed in his sleeping robe, and suppressed a sleepy yawn.

"Hmm, how may I help you, young Yugi?"

_"Poke him in the arm really, really fast. Each time you do, go "yamiyamiyamiyami" until he says "WHAT!" And then go "I forgot..." Wait until his attention is off you. Repeat until you get sent to shadow realm."_

"Oh, erm, I was wondering if you know, I could chill in da club?" Yugi did the rapper's tha-ang: _hip-hop music in background_.

"Err…what's 'da club'…"

"Thanks, I knew you'd understand!" And with that, Yugi shoved the Pharaoh out and locked the portal behind him, calling: "Don't worry, I am due in a fight against Rare Hunter #12 in twenty minutes, so can you schedule ahead and take all the blows?"

"Bummer," Yami murmured, thumping the locked door.

_"Paint the chain links that holds his Millennium Puzzle pink._

_Hide the Millennium Puzzle in the freezer._

_Flaunt the last Manga volume of Yu-Gi-Oh in his face while saying 'I know your_

_naa-aame!'"_

Hey! How come I'm never on the front cover? Yugi reflected, hurt. Well, he'd have to change things. Starting with Volume 1 of the Yu-G-Oh! Manga. He glanced back at the leather tome. If someone had had the guts to write this book without being scared of facing Yami's wrath, then surely _he_ could make some _modifications_…

_"Remind him that Seto has a larger fan base than him._

_Remind him that Bakura has a larger fan base than him."_

So, so true, Yugi thought, shaking his head sadly. Was it because of his hair? He stroked it self consciously, murmuring soothing things to himself, like: _there there_. Once again, his feet began moving with a life of their own, treading over cold, uneven flagstones. Yugi figured it must be some sort of book magic, and ignored his feet whilst he carried on reading.

_"Replace his shampoo with permanent pink hair dye._

_Tell him that he has run out of Shockwaves Extra Strong Hair Gel. Time to go shopping!_

_Take Yami out on a girly shopping trip._

_Give him a makeover."_

He wondered how Yami would look then- hilarious no doubt! Suddenly he was up against the mysterious Dimensional Dungeons door again. How could he get through? He inspected the door.

It was made of solid gold and wood, and had the air of a treasure box waiting to be unlocked. The metal was riveted to the wood, and in the centre was a relief of the Eye Of Ra.

No other clues.

Yugi flicked through the book- maybe the author had some sort of answer.

_"Take his deck, cut his cards in half with scissors or something, and show him that there is no heart in the cards._

_Paint his skin green, glue TV antennas to his head, and call Area 51 to capture him and study him like he was a real alien."_

No help there.

_"Order 10 tonnes of Egyptian sand and place outside the door. When Yami opens it, he won't know what hit him! (avalanche effect works just as well with snow)_

_Mummify him and send him by mail order to the Carter Museum, and place him with the likes of Tutankhamen and Amun-Ra, where he belongs._

_Ask him when his use-by date was._

_Ask him why he worshipped smelly dung beetles."_

Gah! No help at all. After Yugi had stopped crying from laughter and dusted himself- he'd been rolling around on the ground again- he noticed the cover of the book was slightly different. Where the bit that read

_Note: the author of this book is currently held for tortureby none other than the notorious Pharaoh and must be rescued at all costs._ _So what are you waiting for? Read the book and save the author- the world deserves to know the truth!_

had been, the words now read-

**_You dufus! Can't you read Egyptian at all?_**

Yugi thought it was weird enough that the book was talking to him...kind of, so he didn't feel that self conscious when he replied.

"Errrr…does it say:

_Make Yami think he's turned deaf by getting everyone to be silent and mime actions like talking on the telephone, watching TV or having a conversation with him._

Or-

_Tell Yami to meet at The La Traviata, give Téa the same message, and see what happens?"_

**_Nooooo! Look, you gotta figure out the combination that is hidden in the Eye._**

"Oh, that combination," Yugi said knowingly. "So there is no need to:

_Feed him Pharaoh soup- the freshest dung and sand with a bit of mummified pepper._

Or-

_Imprison him in chocolate?_"

The book actually sweatdropped.

"Yugi, quick, let me in! I need to get a quick change of costume before kicking Rare Hunter #12's ass! I was checking my hair in the lake, and fell in!"

**_Gah, get away from here, I will leave you the clue to the combination:_**

**_The number of the Evening Lady multiplied by the Virgin, minus the points of the star, divided by the Holy of Holies._**

_**Now go out there and solve that riddle!**

* * *

_

TBC…

Oh yeah, if anyone can guess the number of the combination, please send your answers in! Any more ideas on how to annoy Yami are very appreciated!


	3. Solving the Riddle

Sakina: (screams as she is bombarded with reviews) Holy Ra! Thankyou all so much! Look at all my reviews Yami!

Yami: (sniffs loftily) Well I don't make fun of any of you…

Sakina: (eyes glint) Well for that, I think we shall make this chapter extra interesting…all _different _and _exotic _shall we say- forms to torture our 'protagonist'.

Yami: (backing away) N-no, n-no, not the-

Sakina: Sayonara Pharaoh! This chapter is dedicated to all my reviewers! (Arranges plushies of reviewers in a line)

* * *

101 Ways To Annoy Yami Yugi

Yugi sat in his soul room, pondering over the riddle. Yami had retired to his own private chamber to get changed, so there was no risk of being discovered. He flipped open the book.

_"Stare at him intently, as if there's something really mysterious about him, then go up and poke his hair- the blond part that sticks out at an angle. Push down on it, and see if it springs back up."_

Heh, heh, press…spring up…press…spring up…

**_You nincompoop! You're supposed to be figuring out the answer to the riddle to set me free, and all you can do is fantasize over one of MY ideas! _**The book screamed at him, flapping in his face.

"Yeah well, you haven't been much help," Yugi retorted. "I mean, it's not like you don't know the answer…"

Oh my God! Yugi slapped himself. He was talking to a _book_! One that had serious attitude problems, at that. It was almost as bad as the time when Yami began talking to the dung beetle, praising it for rolling the sun across the sky! Now _everyone _knows why the sun _really_ moves across the sky, don't they?

**_Of course they do! That's what I've been trying to tell you! The Pharaoh is nothing more than a-_**

Yugi slammed the book shut, concentrating on the riddle.

**_The number of the Evening Lady multiplied by the Virgin, minus the points of the star,  
divided by the Holy of Holies._**

A sudden mysterious wind blew threw a window, ruffling the pages.

_"Tie the Pharaoh up and allow Bakura and Marik to perform tribal rituals on him- ooga, booga, ooga, ooga!"_

A brief image flashed into Yugi's mind. He pointed and laughed.

_"Start drawing outlandish parallels between his life story and 'Star Wars'. Talk at great length; refer to the struggles of the rebels. __In a galaxy, far, far away…_

_Follow a few paces behind him, spraying everything he touches with a can of disinfectant._

_Get him a plant. Act mortally offended when he doesn't water it and it dies."_

Gah, this wasn't going to help. Now, "_The number of the Evening Lady-_" If he was right, the Evening Lady could be none other than Venus, the planet in the Heavens. Yami had always mocked Yugi's passion for astronomy, but ha! In your face, Pharaoh!

_**That's it,** _the book said evilly- like Mr Burns from The Simpsons.

_"Stroke his hair repeatedly/poke his hair whilst saying, 'You have hair... I want to... Touch it.' Guaranteed to annoy and/or freak out anyone._

_Mimic everything he says in a singsong voice._

_Mimic everything he does with exaggerated limb-movements."_

**_Get back to work, mind slave- I mean sweet, sweet Yugi…_**

"You're freaking me out now," Yugi murmured, edging away. A page flapped at him.

_"Build two identical models of the Puzzle, only smaller. Create a desert landscape, steal the Puzzle and arrange them so they look pretty. Now you have your very own Pyramids of Giza!"_

**_Virgo the Virgin is seventh in the Zodiac, ho hum…_**

"That's right," Yugi said distractedly. Suddenly it hit him. The idea, not the book- although the book flapped more pages angrily. "Yes! The Lady multiplied by the Virgin, three times seven is um…twenty-three, n-no, twenty-one!"

If the book had hands, it would've clapped them sarcastically. Instead, it snapped it's cover.

_"Play 'Tie-Yami-upside-down-from-a-ceiling-fan-when-he's-sleeping-and-then-cover-him-in-sugar-water-and-dump-ants-in-the-room-and-turn-the-ceiling-fan-on.' Fun game._

_Stare at him and point and laugh every so often and not tell him why."_

"And a star has five points, so twenty one minus five is sixteen. Divide it by the Holy of Holies?" Yugi frowned. He was not into religion, being that most of them tried to kill others who didn't think the same way.

_**Argghh! You're useless!** _The words burned onto the cover of the book. **_Why oh why, did I think for a second that I would be freed from the very prison tha-_**

Yugi opened the book, cutting out the words.

_"Buy a Yugioh episode on DVD. When he is in a different room, lock yourself in the living room and play an episode where he is duelling. Turn it on full blast, and act like you're really into the duel, shouting phrases like: "go on, attack his life points!" Yami will be able to hear himself, but won't be able to see himself…heh, heh, heh…"_

**_The Holy number is three! The Trinity!_**

_"Stick a pitchfork into his back._

_Paint his soul room pink."_

**_Three, I tells ya!_**_  
_

_"Take him to the Hall Of Mirrors and leave him there._

_Take him camping and throw him in a river that is conveniently near while he's sleeping!"_

Yugi closed the book slowly and carefully, and deliberately took his time in thinking. "So-oo, the Ho-oly num-ber is thre-ee," he said, stroking an invisible beard.

**_No shit, Sherlock! Sheesh.  
_**

"Well, sixteen divided by three is five point threethreethreethree-"

**_WHAT? The number is supposed to be round, you dipstick!_**

"Ooops," Yugi said sheepishly. "Venus is the second planet from the sun. So…the answer is three then."

**_Good, now go in there and FREE ME!_**

Just then, Yami came out, dressed in exactly the same costume, as before, only it wasn't wet.

"How do I look?"

"Errr…exactly the same," Yugi said. Well what else could he say?

"Is my hair alright? Does it look any different? Tell me, Yugi-"

Yugi gently shoved Yami aside and bolted himself in Yami's soul chamber.

"Remember that Rare Hunter #12 has a Black Cat With the White Tail card. Now go kick some!" he called as a parting.

_"Ask him to bring you a tub of elbow grease._

_Don't tell him when the clocks go back._

_Play seesaw with him- every time your end goes down; jump on the seat with a giant force, making Yami fly into the air._

_Take him to an old folk's home and leave him there._

_Play 'Whack-a-Yami!' with his head."_

**_Come on man, stop laughing; you're so close to freeing me!_**

* * *

Will the mysterious author be freed? Will Yami make it to his duel without looking in any mirrors? Find out in the next instalment of- Ways To Annoy Yami Yugi! 

Oh yes, I will thank each reviewer personally and try to review one of your stories- if you're anonymous, then tell me your pen name and I'll get back to you! Keep on sending in ideas on annoying Yami!


	4. The Rescue: Part I

Drum roll please. And now, the much awaited chapter that promises to spell doom to Yami, its:

* * *

101 Ways To Annoy Yami Yugi

Yugi ran down the interweaving passages until he came to the huge, golden door. Gasping for breath, he grabbed the pupil of the Eye of Horus and rotated it clockwise.

_"Ask him why he didn't have a nose in the volume of Yugioh!"_

Click!

_"Tell him that sadly the dubbers have quit using the name Yami and changed it into Billy Bob Bo Bo. Than have fun watching his eye twitch!"_

Click!

_"Stick ice down his pants while he's sleeping."_

Click!

And there was silence. Then the door swung open in the most unceremonious way possible. Yugi realized he'd been holding his breath, and after a psychic nudge from the author released it, before he turned blue.

_**What did you expect? A grand fanfare and a red carpet? I mean, come on, this is the Pharaoh we're talking about!**_

Yugi grumbled as he slipped through the gateway.

_**Now you have to watch out, this next bit is VERY dangerous, there are lots of traps and-**_

Yugi snapped open the book to shut the voices in his head up.

_"Take him to meet your favourite Egyptian High Priest pal- no, not Seto Kaiba, although that would be interesting, we are talking about Imhotep from the Mummy!_

_Bury him in the sand._

_Give him an unlabelled can. After he's drank the contents, tell him that is was Red Bull, and tell him that he is going to grow wings._

_Sing the classic- __'I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves…'_

_Try this: dye his hair white and comb it and then say "Hey Bakura? What are you doing here??'"_

Yugi ignored the book screaming at him as he miraculously sidestepped a bottomless pit that had spikes at the bottom. A blade swished through the air- Yugi carried on walking, nose in book.

**_Nononono! You're gonna get yourself dead-i-fied! _**The voice chided frantically.

_"Play Knock-A-Door-Run on his Soul Door._

_Pretend that his Puzzle is one of those Christmas globes that you shake to make a snowstorm, and shake the Puzzle really hard."_

**_Watch out for that sword!_**

Whoosh!

Where Yugi had just been a sword lay sticking into the ground with a twang, point down. Another few thudded down.

_"Buy him a Swear Jar, only call it a Heart Of The Cards jar. Every time he says that phrase, he has to put ten thousand bucks in._

_Dress up identical to him, and demand that you are his long lost twin brother who he hasn't seen for five thousand years. Then demand to know where your presents are."_

**_The chamber of water and snakes and piranhas! Not even I can cross this!_**

There was a splash. Yugi's body gradually disappeared from view, as he was slowly submerged. Soon all that could be seen was a multicoloured triangle, moving steadily towards the other side. A few bubbles escaped to the surface.

(Note: Doesn't this remind you of the Simpsons episode where Skinner is chasing Bart? Skinner just walks through the river without a change of expression and keeps on coming.)

**_What are you doing?!?! Gah! I can't breathe! Must…have…air…_**

Yugi's form slowly emerged from the other side. There was no change in expression, it seemed as if he'd been reading underwater.

_"Give his number to a dating agency._

_Give his number to a group of mad fangirls._

_In fact, give his number out to anyone and everyone."_

"Ow!" Yugi cried, suddenly aroused from whatever force that had been holding him.

_**Yes Yugi, you have just walked into the wall.**_

Yugi looked around. He was in the dankest and darkest part of the Dimensional Dungeons, although points along the walls were dotted with flaming torches, in an effort to cheer the place up. It hadn't worked. Besides, who would be there to see them?

_**OK, my cell is the second one past the one with the Bohemian Werewolf, he's a bit of a nightmare, oh, it's opposite the Scandinavian Man-Eating Snapdragon plant, the pink one, mind, not the purple one. That one has an attitude problem. The keys should be in the cupboard right next to you.**_

Yugi grabbed the keys and after a process of trial and error, found the right door. With a feeling of anticipation, he unlocked the door and pushed it open.

"Hello?"

He peered in.

A tired looking girl with strands of wispy brown hair gazed up. There were dark patches under her eyes, and she was as thin as a skeleton.

"You c-came!" She burst into tears of joy, and flung her arms around Yugi. A few seconds later she withdrew them and looked at him sheepishly. "Sorry, I'm not usually this emotional, but when you've been stuck here for as long as I have…nothing seems to matter anymore."

Woah, this was a whole new personality! _Smack!_

"What took you so long?!" She demanded.

"Ow!" Yugi rubbed the side of his face mournfully. "What was that for?"

"That was for being related to Mister I'm-The-Pharaoh-I-must-keep-my-reputation-intact-at-all-costs-even-if-it-means-imprisoning-one-luckless-authoress-who-just-happened-to-find-out-the-truth!"

"What truth?" Yugi's eyes widened. "And what is your name?"

* * *

TBC… 

Don't go away folks; Part Two of The Rescue will be on after the break!


End file.
